Here is our plan for the week.

• Chili w/rice, cheese, & crackers
• Tilapia w/peas & mashed potatoes
• Cube Steak and Gravy w/mashed potatoes and peas
• Pork Roast w/broccoli, roasted potatoes, & corn bread
• Corn & Potato Chowder w/salad & rolls
• Turkey Burgers w/french fries & baked beans
• Loosemeat Sandwiches w/green beans & french fries

Head on over to Organizing Junkie for more great menu plans.

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I came across a very impressive post from a teenager, Kate, writing about her views of the Twilight series. Finally a teenage girl who has enough of a head on her shoulders to realize that all Meyers does in her books is promote dysfunctional relationships as the ideal.
I have to say I agree whole heartedly with Kate’s take on the Twilight Saga. As I told my friend just the other day, while the series was a fun read it in no way represents a healthy romance. I don’t get what Bella sees in Edward. He is controlling and cold. Hell, he even watches her while she sleeps – you know like a STALKER! Jacob may be a bit more to my liking, but he has issues as well. Like forcing Bella to kiss him against her will. At least Bella punched him in the face for it, even if she broke her hand.
I worry about the kind of unrealistic precedent these books set for teenage girls, and middle-aged women for that matter. I have heard way too many girls at my son’s school wax poetic about how they wish they had an Edward all their own. For their sake I hope the Edwards and Jacobs stay away from them.

Most of you have probably guessed by now that I’m, um, not the biggest fan of the Twilight saga. And no, it’s not just because Robert Pattison’s eyebrows look like caterpillars that are apt to crawl off his face mid-interview. Nor is it that when it comes to pretty vampires, I’d take Thomas Raith over a Cullen any day. My problem is, thankfully, a little less superficial than that. If you’ve ever met a “Twihard”, ever set foot into Hot Topic, … Read More via TEENAGE SOAPBOX

Originally blogged at my blog for Sexual Assault Survivors, After Silence.

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Here is our plan for the week.

• Crock-Pot Black Bean Chicken w/rice
• Spaghetti & Meatballs, Salad, and garlic bread
• Cube Steak and Gravy w/mashed potatoes and peas
• Pork Roast w/broccoli & corn bread
• Corn & Potato Chowder w/salad & rolls
• Roast Beef w/mashed potatoes & green beans
• Crock-Pot Chicken Cordon Bleu w/green beans & roasted potatoes

Head on over to Organizing Junkie for more great menu plans.

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I found the following article at a HopeForHealing.Org. It amazes me how many of these exact statements I have heard from my friends & family. I know they did not mean to belittle what happened to me, they just were uneducated. So in an effort to educate everyone, please read this & share it with your friends & family. Chances are you know someone who has been sexually assaulted, they just may not have told you.

Please don’t…

1. Ask if we liked it.
No one likes being physically overpowered.

2. Tell us “it’s just sex”.
Rape is a crime of power, control, and extreme violence where sex is used as a weapon against someone weaker. It is not sex.

3. Tell us how we could have avoided it.
Believe me, if we could have prevented it we would have.

4. Make fun of us.
We have faced an attacker who sometimes is willing to kill and have survived. What’s there to make fun of?

5. Tell us it would never happen to you and why.
We didn’t think we would become statistics either.

6. There’s no need to avoid us.
We’re still the same person you’ve come to care about or learned to care about. We’ve just been unspeakably hurt. We’re not contagious.

7. Please don’t treat us like we have the plague.
Chances are we don’t. Do you?

8. God isn’t punishing us for some misdeed by allowing this to happen.
God helps us heal. He doesn’t send someone to hurt His people.

9. Don’t tell us it was God’s will we were raped.
Do tell us it was God’s will that we survived!

10. Don’t disbelieve us.
According to survey respondents being disbelieved is a survivor’s greatest fear.

11. Don’t tell us that survivors make up tales for attention.
According to The National Coalition Against Sexual Assault false rape reports only happen 2% of the time. That’s a 98% chance that no matter how strange it sounds to you the rape isn’t being fabricated.

12. Don’t tell me not to talk about it.
Yes it upsets me to talk about it but that is the only way that I can sort through it.

13. Don’t say, ‘it happened on a date, that’s common”.
When you say that it belittles me and my feelings about the assault. It’s not common because it happened to me and I’m not a statistic.

14. Don’t say “other people have it worse off than you”.
I’m not “other people.”  I’m me.

Some other suggestions for Partners of Survivors that may help:

15. Don’t feel you need to retaliate against our attacker.
We know the perpetrator is capable of violence. Please don’t make us worry about you being hurt. We’ll feel more secure knowing you’ll remain in one piece.

16. Don’t blame us for what happened.
It’s not our fault.

17. Don’t tell us to “get over it”.
We would if we could and we are trying our best. Support us as we struggle to find our way again.

18. Don’t tell us to to put what happened out of our minds.
It’s not that simple.

19. Don’t tell us “it’s no big deal”.
Rape is an enormous challenge to heal from. It haunts even our dreams.

20. Try to understand our need to feel safe.
If we disagree about safety issues in the future please realize that what may sounds strange to you may help us feel safe.

21. Don’t say something like, “Well, it’s been six months (a year, 5 years, 20 years, etc.) and ask if we’re “over it” yet.
Chances are that we may not be ready to go back to life as it was. We may never be ready and may have to create a new life for ourselves as we learn to be safe again.

22. Don’t tell us we are weak because it impacts our life.
We are stronger than words can describe.

23. Don’t ask us what you are supposed to do to get past what happened to us.
We aren’t sure what we’re going to do.

24. Don’t ask us if we did anything on purpose that led to the rape.
We didn’t do anything except survive.

25. Don’t ask us if we couldn’t have done something differently during the attack.
We made the best choices we could to survive. We got away without being killed didn’t we? That’s proof our instincts were right. Please help us learn to realize that ourselves.

26. Don’t tell us that it’s not rape because we knew the attacker.
Numerous studies tell us that our perpetrators are more likely to be known to us than unknown.

27. If you give us a hug and we pull away please know that chances are we’re not rejecting you, we’re just uncomfortable.
We may have a hard time being able to respond right now.

28. If we do pull away from you please don’t get mad. Tell us you care.
Chances are you’ll get that hug after all!

29. If you’re together and the survivor has a flashback try not to be mad at the survivor.
We hate the darned things too! Flashbacks are always rough. It’s difficult to know what to do. It’s got to be difficult to watch. Any anger should go the one who caused the rape and not the survivor who has to put her life together.

30. Don’t be afraid to talk to us if we’re upset.
Knowing you are there may be just what we need.

31. If we become suicidal please don’t take that as a sign of weakness.
Take that as a sign we’re overwhelmed, trying to cope, and need help.

32. Don’t pretend rape doesn’t happen to people you know.
It does. Thank you for reading this to learn about it.

33. Don’t get the idea rape just happens to “those” kinds of people.
This crime happens to as many as 1 woman in 4. It crosses ethinc, racial, economic and social boundaries.

34. Don’t be afraid of a person who was raped.
I promise as a survivor, the rape will effect you but won’t rub off on you. The person you love is still the same person as before.

35. Don’t deny your feelings after finding out a friend was raped.
Call a rape crisis center’s hotline and find out what support is available for you.

36. Do not tell us we should take it as a compliment.
Rape isnt about lust or attractiveness, its an act of power and force.

37. Do not tell us “Oh yeah, I know a bunch of girls who’ve been raped”.
We realize we aren’t the only ones but by saying that it belittles how it hurts by making it just another number.

38. Do not tell a survivor “Its no big deal.”
We know otherwise.

39. Please don’t tell us “Oh well, you’ll have other dates that will go better.”
What happened wasn’t a bad date, it was a crime.

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This is awesome! She tells it like it is! She is not a feminazi, she is just another woman who is sick of men who look the other way. It is time for all of us to take a stand against rape. Not just women, but the men who love them need to take action now!

Originally blogged at my blog for survivors, After Silence.

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I found this at After Silence.  I proceeded to do just as it says and re-post it here for everyone to see.  I hope you do the same to spread the message.

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:

Image via Wikipedia

If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, re-post it. It’s that important.

Note:
This goes for any gendered rape, male on female or female on male or female on female or FTM on MTF or non gendered to dual gendered and so on and so forth….

-author unknown

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If you had a brother or sister that was sexually assaulted, what would you say to them?

Below are some of the responses at RCIP:

“If you were my brother or my sister, I would tell you to never give up. What we need to live and thrive is within each and every one of us and, as long as we keep searching, we will find it. I would tell you to stay strong, but know that its ok to be weak. ” ~Elektra

“If you were my sister I’d tell you that you have a strength far beyond what you ever thought you could possess. That you are special, unique and an individual who has great potential. I’d tell you that to survive is one thing, but to live, and thrive, and be great no matter what, is another, and that’s what you can do, and are doing in so many ways and you are LOVED!!” ~Melissa

“If you were my sister, I would tell you that no matter who hurt you, and no matter what happened, none of it was your fault and that the fastest way to start feeling better is to internalize that you did nothing wrong. I would also tell you that what happened to you defines a time in your life, not you as a person.” ~LemonMeringue

“If you were my sister, I would tell you that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are. We have all been hurt and, in effect, been changed by that hurt. In time we will all become better people by dealing with the pain and growing from it. You are brave and courageous and you were meant to survive.” ~Cheyenne

“If you were my sister, I would tell you that you are such a wonderful and courageous person with nothing but goodness to share with others in the world and I will hold your hand and help you along your healing journey. HE has done wrong, not you!” ~Jane

“If you were my sister or brother… I would ask if you wanted a hug. I would tell you that when you see your reflection in my eyes- you are beautiful, pure, undamaged but wronged. You are more than the sum of your body parts and you have rights. I would try to explain why it wasn’t your fault even though you may feel unreasonable guilt. I would tell you that every time someone RE-victimized you it wasn’t because they meant to hurt you. That it was part of victim blame and the ‘just world theory’ and not a reflection on you. That they just don’t understand rape trauma syndrome. They don’t know how to help you – but a therapist might. I would try to prepare you for this world, find you a therapist, take you to a counselor and teach you coping skills like ‘safe place’- a place in your mind where you can go when you need to feel control.

If you were my sister or brother I would love you no matter what.” ~pixie

“If you were my sister I would say that I was so sorry that this happened and that no matter what happened, it wasn’t your fault. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” ~Anonymous

I thought it would be neat if we took this and added our own. Here is mine:

“If you were my sister or brother I would tell you that I am so sorry this happened to you and how honored I am that you shared it with me. What happened was not your fault. No matter how many times you second guess yourself, you survived – obviously you did the right thing. I would tell you that it is okay to stay in bed if that is all you can do right now and then bring you a mug of hot chocolate and a warm quilt. And remember, this is not something you should be ashamed of. The only one who should feel ashamed is your assailant. I love you and will be here for you!” ~Kimberly

If you would like to add your message, please post it in the comments and I will add it.

Originally posted at my blog for survivors, After Silence.

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1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

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